Etiquette and Mentality

 

 

This page explains some aspects of German culture, and gives tips for how to behave in specific situations.

Usual disclaimer: Germany is a country of 80-odd million people, with a lot of variety, subcultures, and regional specificities. All of the guidance below are high-level generalisations, and there will be plenty of exceptions and nuances to each.

 

Alcohol

  • People are much more relaxed when it comes to alcohol. Even as a teenager it is generally seen as quite normal to have wine or beer in moderation, even with adults around. And of course, most teenagers get super drunk when no adults are around - but having been exposed to alcohol earlier, they tend not to get quite as wasted as (for example) most British 18-year-olds on a Friday night.
  • Unlike the Nordic countries, Germany does not have a government monopoly on alcohol sales. You can buy alcohol of any kind almost everywhere. Even university canteens and McDonald’s sell beer.
  • Wine and beer are sold to anyone above the age of 16, spirits to anyone above the age of 18. Wine and beer can be consumed at the age of 14 in the company of the parents.
  • If you clink glasses with somebody, make sure you look them in the eye as you do so. If you don’t, the superstition is that you’ll be doomed to seven years of bad sex.
  • The most common thing to say when toasting is “Prost!”.

##Nudity and Sex

  • People are more relaxed when it comes to nudity and sex. You will see lots of nudity and sex on TV, and it’s not uncommon for people to change their clothes on beaches. However, Germans don’t automatically associate nudity with sex - for example, being naked in the sauna is emphatically not an invitation for sex! Also, in many (but by no means all) German families, incidental nudity at home is fairly common, and is seen as a normal part of daily life.
  • Saunas and many wellness places are commonly nude-only or towel-at-most - you will probably get a mild telling-off from the attendant if you keep your bathing suit on. Don’t stare, just try to relax (or close your eyes if you feel uncomfortable). The same goes for nude beaches (marked “FKK”, which stands for “Frei-Körper Kultur”), which are common, particularly in eastern Germany. However, the nudity in such places is explicitly not-sexual.

##LGBTQ* Rights

  • According to a pew poll, the overall acceptance for homosexuality is quite high (87% tolerance vs 12% intolerance compared to e.g. the USA which has 60% tolerance vs 33% intolerance to show).
  • Same-sex couples have the same rights as heterosexual couples, although full equality was only achieved in Germany in late 2017. Overall, there is broad acceptance of LGBTQ* people.
  • Germany is one of the very few states to allow a third gender to be chosen on passports etc.

##Greeting

  • Shake hands with everyone you meet (assuming the pandemic is over, of course). Only go for a hug if they go for a hug (generally only among good friends). No kisses.
  • “Hey, how are you?” (“Hey, wie geht’s?”) is a perfectly acceptable greeting in the USA. However, it is not a good way to start off a conversation with a German. Only ask this question if you’re genuinely interested in an answer. Americans often get confused by Germans taking this question seriously and answering it in all honesty, and Germans see it as “superficial” and “fake” to ask a question if you do not want an answer. If you want to only greet someone, just say “hello”.
  • If in northern Germany, greet people with “moin” if they greet you with “moin”. See here for a tongue-in-cheek guide to greeting people in northern Germany.
  • In southern Germany, you might also hear people saying “Grüß Gott” as a greeting.
  • In the countryside/villages, if someone walks past, greet them. This is not necessary for towns.

Cultural context

Germany is a famously low-context culture. This means that, on the whole, Germans will say exactly what they mean, and dispense with any unneccessary padding or smalltalk. It is not necessary to couch praise or critisicm in layers of obfuscation - this will usually go straight over a German’s head and/or may make them annoyed that you’re not getting to the point. “This is good” or “this is crap” is direct and perfectly acceptable in Germany - whereas in high-context cultures (e.g. the UK or Japan), being so direct would be very offensive, and would have to be buried more deeply (e.g. saying “it’s a good first attempt” when in fact you mean “this is crap”, or saying “I did all right” when in fact you mean “I did fantastically well”).

Now, Germans are not robots - read the room and the mood. For example, it’s pefectly polite to greet a shop clerk (see above), but there is no need to spend five minutes talking about the weather before you ask for the item you want to buy.

Conversely, do not be taken aback if a German is very direct with you - unlike in other cultures, this is not intended as a personal attack or insult. For example, if you visit an Amt to get some paperwork done, and the clerk tells you go “go sit down over there and wait”, they’re not being rude. They are just asking you, well, sit down and wait - even if they didn’t first greet you elaborately and apologise profusely for the minor inconvenience of taking up more of your time than absolutely necessary, and by the way, did you hear about about the thing which happened recently, terrible isn’t it.

Titles and Pronouns

  • Always use titles - this includes “Herr” (Mr.), “Frau” (Ms.) and postgraduate academic titles like “Doktor” and “Professor” in official communication or events. However, don’t use them in an informal setting (e.g. do not call your girlfriend’s father “Professor Meyer” unless he insists on it).
  • Do not use “Fräulein” unless in a humourous context and you know what you are doing. It’s considered derogatory, and should not be taken as the German equivalent of “Miss”.

German has a T-V distinction, where “du” is the informal pronoun and “Sie” the formal one. While knowing which one to use can be a bit difficult and it depends on the situation, a rough guideline is:

  • Use “Sie” with anyone who is older than you, of higher standing (e.g. your boss), or generally to be polite to an adult you do not know. This is especially the case in more “traditional” social settings (e.g. a traditional German workplace). When using “Sie”, always address someone by their last name, including their title (for example, “Hallo Herr Meier”). If you’re unsure, it’s better to use “Sie” with another adult (using “Sie” when “du” would be more appropriate causes less offense than the other way around).
  • Use “du” with someone you consider to be a peer or a child (up to late adolescence, when you tend to switch to “Sie”). In younger and more relaxed social circles, adults will call each other “du” by default (e.g. in the hipper parts of town, the bartenders will use “du” with their patrons, whereas in more upscale restaurants the waiters will invariably use “Sie”). When using “du”, you generally address someone by their first name, with no title (for example, “Hallo Jan”).
  • Generally the older person is the one who will decide whether you’re on friendly enough terms to use “du” instead of “Sie”; this is known as “jemandem das du anbieten”. If offered it’s considered very rude to refuse. In almost all situations, the pronouns are symmetrical - if someone calls you “du” then you’re supposed to call them “du” in return, and vice versa.

See also this thread for more information on “du” and “Sie”.

Smalltalk

  • Germans are pretty straight-forward when it comes to conversations. We do not like small talk but come straight to the point. As a result, we’re often branded as a “cold, repulsive” nation - which is absolutely not true. We simply do not like shallow talk.
  • Just because we’re German, don’t expect us to like football (and/or Bayern München), beer and cars. Drop the subject if the German you’re talking to is not comfortable with it. It might be good to ask first if they’re into it before you start a 5-minute monologue on how much you look forward to watching the Bundesliga.
  • Avoid exaggerations and high-pressure talk.

Overly Friendly Behaviour

Don’t be overly friendly. That irritates Germans and comes across as fake and superficial.

“Friends” and Friends

Germans make friends more slowly than people in some other countries, and take the term “friend” fairly seriously. Someone you’ve just met at a party and had a good time with is a Bekannter (acquaintance), not a friend. It may take months (or even years) before you become close enough to consider each other “friends”, but that “friendship” is more akin to what Americans might term a “best friend”. Do not call someone a “friend” or “mate” if they aren’t.

It’s not uncommon for Germans to not want to become friends with people they work with. This isn’t a rejection - you can still have a good time at work, joke over lunch, chat at the company picnic, but don’t necessarily expect to be invited to their wedding.

The “German stare”

Some foreigners report that they feel stared at in Germany, but this is an intercultural misunderstanding. Germans make eye contact with strangers more frequently, and hold that eye contact for a fraction of a second longer than people from many other countries. This is completely meaningless to us - we’re not staring at you, we’re just looking at you, the person next to you, out the window, or at the sign above the door. We look at everyone like this - you, the punk rocker next to you, the German pensioner on the other side of the bus, and the couple chatting in the corner. It’s just idle curiosity to pass the time, and carries no hidden meaning.

Visitors from ethnic minorities tend to interpret this “staring” as having something to do with their “race”, but visitors with a light skin colour complain about Germans “staring” at them just as much. Indeed, to Germans, the American (and British) propensity for avoiding eye contact with strangers appears shifty, whereas it’s completely normal behaviour to Americans and Brits.

Nazi References

  • Do not make jokes about the Nazis. To us, mass murdering criminals are not appropriate humour material. Yes, some Germans do make jokes about the Nazis, but they have to walk a very fine line while doing so, and this isn’t something an immigrant or visitor should attempt, as the potential for causing offence is just too great.
  • Do not under any circumstances do the Hitler greeting/Nazi salute, not even as a joke - it is not only a criminal offense that can lead to arrest by police but also to punches from passers-by.
  • Calling a German a Nazi is a very serious insult; do not do it. Also, while it may be common to use “Nazi” as a casual term in other countries (such as calling someone who is punctilious about their wording a “grammar Nazi”), this would be highly inappropriate and offensive in Germany.
  • Do not say “It’s not your fault what the Nazis did”. Don’t be patronising, nearly everyone you meet will have been born after the 1940s and knows full well that it wasn’t “their fault”. Germans know the difference between being personally responsible for the atrocities committed by their ancestors, and being responsible for learning from them and making sure nothing like it ever happens again.
  • The Nazis are not a taboo subject in Germany, far from it. However, it’s considered a serious topic of conversation, so it’s not something you should bring up in a casual context (the same way that it would be awkward to casually bring up the Armenian Genocide while chatting to an acquaintance at a pub after your third beer).

Patriotism

Overt patriotism is generally frowned upon. Germans understand that being “proud of your country” carries with it an innate assumption that your country is somehow superior to others, and we know that this sentiment is (and has been in the past) easily manipulated for very dangerous ends. We are therefore associate “being proud of your country” with dangerous nationalism. The over-the-top displays of patriotism in, for the example, the US, strike Germans are being completely ridiculous.

Flying national flags is common during the (football) World Cup, but apart from that, Germans do not display national patriotism very overtly. We suspect people who fly German flags to be right-wing at best, and dangerously nationalistic at worst. City or state flags, on the other hand, are perfectly fine and very common.

Race

Generally speaking, Germans do not think in racial terms - we don’t talk about people of a particular skin colour as a group, concepts like “mixed-race” or “interracial couple” are foreign to us, and the census doesn’t record people’s ethnicity. This doesn’t mean that there isn’t racism in Germany - sadly, that’s not the case - but people don’t identify themselves based on their “race” (so you’d never hear a German with dark skin refer to themselves as a “black German”). The German word Rasse (“race”) is strongly associated with the racial theories of the Nazis, and is thus never used to refer to humans (it’s only used with animals).

Guns

While the possession of guns is allowed, it’s mostly only hunters and sport shooters who have them, and they are a very small minority of the population. There is no other point in having them, really. Germans don’t buy the typical pro-gun argumentation in the US. Guns are a privilege, not a right, and people looking for a gun licence have to go through rigorous examinations.

Soldiers

If you meet soldiers, don’t say things like “thank you for your service” or call them “heroic”. Soldiers are people like anyone else; they just do their job and do not receive the same amount of attention as American soldiers would do.

Military

Overall, Germans are a pacifist people, and the culture is nowhere near as militarised as in the US. Due to the experiences in the past decades, Germans are very skeptical of American jingoism; further, there’s the issue of mass surveillance and drone wars conducted from or on German territory, namely the Dagger Complex and Ramstein Air Base. Do not confuse this with anti-Americanism: the disdain is directed towards American foreign policy, not against the American people itself. In case you’re deployed to Germany: The locals won’t mind you walking around, they’re used to it. There won’t be any trouble.

Restaurants

  • If you ask for water at a restaurant, you’ll only get bottled water for which you have to pay. Asking for “Leitungswasser” (tap water) is not very common. In fact, according to the Mineral- und Tafelwasserverordnung (MTVO), mineral water must only be served in the original bottle, which has to be opened in front of the guest’s eyes to prevent the adulteration. See this discussion for more background.
  • This should go without saying, but do not bring your own food or drink to a restaurant. You could bring your own drink (e.g. a favourite bottle of wine), but the restaurant will charge you a corkage fee.
  • Free refills are unheard of in normal restaurants; your second Coke will cost just as much as the first one.
  • Once you are done eating, lay your utensils in parallel on the plate to signal you’re done. If you’re not done, cross them.
  • Servers tend to leave you mostly alone. If you want something, signal for them. They also don’t do any small talk (see the section about small talk above).
  • Eating out is a bit more expensive than in other western countries, therefore, eating out is less common than, say, in the US. It’s much more common to invite friends over and cook a meal together (conversely, groceries in Germany are fairly cheap, as the discount supermarkets like Aldi and Lidl drive prices down aggressively) as opposed to going to a restaurant together. Eating out for breakfast used to be unheard of, but more and more restaurants are now serving a buffet brunch on Sunday mornings.

Tipping

  • Give about 10% in restaurants. At the very least, round up if possible/convenient. It’s OK to not tip if you weren’t content.
  • The usual German way to tip is to tell the server how much you want to pay in total (i.e., the normal cost plus the tip) when they come to collect the money. For example, if the bill is 27.50 € and you want to round up to 30 €, just say “I’d like to pay 30 €” when it’s time to pay. However, if you’re a tourist you can also just leave the tip on the table.
  • Tipping bathroom attendants, cab drivers, and food delivery guys are also common.

Money, Credit Cards, and Cash

(see also the main wiki pages on banks and finances)

Credit cards are not very common in Germany but normally accepted in stores. We use mostly cash and if that is not available, debit cards (Girocard or “EC”). Cash offers anonymity and makes it harder to get into debt. If credit cards are accepted, they will often use chip+pin authentication instead of making you sign. Paying by phone or contactless cards is now normally available wherever credit cards are accepted (look for the wave symbol).

Supermarkets and Shops

(see also the main wiki page on shopping)

German supermarkets as a whole are less oriented towards either self-checkout (exceptions apply) or customer service as one is used in other countries.

  • You get the stuff you need - ideally without blocking the aisles with your shopping cart - and find an open checkout.
  • Put your stuff on the belt (use a my shopping/your shopping separator or chances are the person in front or behind of you will do it for you ;)) and - if needed - grab a bag (single-use plastic bags are not available) which you will always have to pay for. So maybe come prepared with a reusable bag or buy one which you will use in the future.
  • Once at the cashier be prepared to bag your stuff. Nobody will unload your basket for you and nobody will bag your stuff. So once it’s your turn, you pass the cashier while greeting her/him and wait for your stuff in the bagging area. Be quick about it or, at least, move your stuff as far away from the cashier as possible.
  • Pay as soon as the cashier tells you your total (the cashier might ask if you have a couple of cents so they can give you bigger coins back).
  • Continue bagging afterwards, if necessary, while the cashier can check out the next in line.
  • A quick “hello/thanks/bye” to the cashier is the norm, but smalltalk will be frowned upon if you very obviously hold up the line.

Punctuality

  • Always be on time, especially for business appointments. Depending on your contract and your employer you can get in serious trouble very quickly when you are late at work, regardless whether it is your fault or not. Generally you should do your utmost to be on time whenever a time-fixed appointment is agreed on.
  • This applies even to social occasions - meeting for “drinks at eight” means “arrive at 8, plus or minus five minutes”; it does not mean “arrive sometime between nine and ten” (as it does in other countries). If you are running late, it’s polite to send a short message to let them know (“I’m stuck in traffic and will be X minutes late”).

Crossing the road

  • Don’t jaywalk if there are pedestrian crossing lights available - you can count on a passer-by telling you off.
  • If there are no pedestrian traffic lights around, use the nearest zebra crossing. Stand by the side of the road (so that cars can see you); they will stop and let you cross.
  • If there are no other possibilities to cross, wait by the side of the road until there is a break in the traffic, then walk across the road quickly. If you’re not crossing at a zebra crossing then car drivers will generally not stop for you.

At someone’s home

  • People usually expect you to take your shoes off when at someone’s home. Some people will also offer you slippers or indoor sandals to put on, but they are a minority - failing that, walk around in your socks indoors.
  • If you’re invited to someone’s home for a meal it’s often polite to bring something to eat (perhaps a starter, salad or desert), or drink (e.g. wine). Ask ahead what you can bring, and if not, then you can bring always bring flowers, chocolate, or another small gift.

Noise

  • By law, you have to be quiet during “quiet hours”, which are generally before 6:00, after 22:00, and all day Sunday and public holidays. This means that, during these periods, you may not play loud music, mow the lawn, drill holes in your walls, or otherwise disturb your neighbours (or they may call the police). However, activities which cannot reasonably be postponed (e.g. showering) are always allowed.
  • If you know you will be making more noise than usual (e.g you just moved in and need to move some furniture around or you’re having a party), be a good citizen and put up a warning for your neighbours a day ahead. But still keep above rules in mind.
  • It is considered polite to lower your voice in public places, including public transportation, restaurants and cinemas. Specifically for American tourists, try to use your “indoor voice” at all times (even outdoors), as the default American “outdoor voice” is loud enough to be heard on the other end of a crowded railway station.

Toilets

  • Close the stall. Sit down. Yes, even the men. No, your aim is not as good as you think it is. In Germany, the only men who pee standing up are those who clean their own bathrooms. Flush when you are done.
  • Use the brush to clean anything that remained in the toilet after flushing. If necessary, flush another time. It is considered polite to leave the toilet as clean as you found it.
  • So-called “squatting toilets” are not available.
  • Germany is toilet paper country. Bidets are generally not available. There are no “bum-guns” or other facilities to wash your private parts once you’re done. If you feel uncomfortable with paper and “need” to clean yourself with water, bring your own mug and fill it before you go into the stall.
  • It is usually safe to flush down toilet paper down the toilet. Please do not dump it into bins.
  • Do not flush tampons, wet-wipes (including “moist toilet paper”), or other objects down the toilet, as it clogs up the drains.

Saunas

Saunas are very popular in Germany, but some immigrants may appreciate a little guidance when visiting a sauna in Germany. Saunas can be found in hotels, swimming pools, and spas (a spa will usually have several saunas, as well as a pool, massage room, etc).

  • By default, all saunas are mixed-gender, however, most saunas have one day a week (called a Frauentag) where only women are admitted. There are also a few men-only saunas, but they tend to be places for homosexual men to look for partners, so if that’s not what you’re looking for, then stay clear.
  • When visiting a spa with a sauna, it’s recommended to bring one (preferably two) large towel(s), a bathrobe, slippers which can get wet (e.g. plastic flip-flops), and perhaps some water to drink.
  • In the sauna itself you are expected to be nude. As explained above (see “nudity”), this nudity is explicitly non-sexual. While people may glance at the other people in the sauna, it’s considered rude to stare - if you’re not sure what to look at, close your eyes, or stare at the ceiling.
  • If you feel uncomfortable being naked in the sauna, you can wrap yourself up in a towel. Don’t wear a bathing suit; this is considered unhygienic, and you will be told off by the attendant.
  • In the spa area (so not in the sauna itself) people will generally walk around wrapped in a towel, or wearing a bathrobe.
  • Always bring a towel into the sauna to sit on (it’s unhygenic - and, frankly, fairly uncomfortable - to sit directly on the wood). Set it up so that your sweat is caught by the towel (and doesn’t drip onto the wood). The exception is steam baths (Dampfbad), where you sit directly on the tiles (no towel - it would get soaked immediately, and so be of little use).
  • Most spas have several saunas (often at different temperatures), and many will also have steam baths or a infrared sauna. Pick whichever one suits you best; if you’re spending a bit more time at the spa, feel free to try them all.
  • Most spas have a regular schedule (e.g. once an hour) where an Aufguss is performed. Here, an attendant will come into the sauna, splash scented water (or similar substances) onto the heater, which will fill the room with pleasant-smelling steam (while also making the sauna feel quite a bit hotter). The attendant will then use a towel or fan to waft the steam around. This is usually a more “intense” experience than going to the sauna “normally” - if it gets too hot for you, feel free to move to a lower bench, or leave the sauna. Note that while an Aufguss is in progress, you generally can’t enter the sauna.
  • It’s generally recommended to have a quick cold shower after leaving the sauna. Then take some time to rest before entering the sauna again - relax in the spa, read a book, or have a drink (many spas also serve drinks and snacks).
  • Spas are generally quiet places. Particularly in the sauna itself you are expected to be quiet (unlike in other countries, saunas in Germany aren’t really places to socialise).
  • Don’t wear glasses in the sauna. The heat often causes the antireflective coating to crack. Either wear contact lenses, or leave your glasses outside of the sauna (near where you leave your bathrobe and slippers).

Time and calendar

  • Germans use a 24-hour clock, although in casual speech people will sometimes refer to 12-hour time, but without “AM” or “PM” (so “we will meet at seven thirty” could mean 07:30 or 19:30, but is almost always clear from context).
  • Common shorthands are “viertel nach” (“quarter past”), “halb” (“half to”), and “viertel vor” (“quarter to”) - so 7:15 is “viertel nach sieben”, 7:30 is “halb acht”, and 7:45 is “viertel vor acht”. An older style (but which you will still encounter occasionally) is “viertel acht” (meaning 7:15) and “dreiviertel acht” (meaning 7:45).
  • A short written date is always written as DD.MM.YYYY (“12.5.2015”), a longer date is written as DD. MONTH YYYY (“12. Mai 2015”). Germans also understand the ISO date format (YYYY-MM-DD, e.g. 2015-05-12), but don’t use American-style numerical dates (MM/DD, e.g. 5/12) unless you’re sure the other party is clear what style of date you’re using.
  • Weeks start on Mondays, and week numbering is commonly used in business contexts (although very rarely in more informal settings). Weeks are numbered according to ISO 8601 - the first week of a year is the one with the majority of its days falling in that year (i.e. the week that contains the first Thursday of the year). Calendar weeks are usually abbreviated to “KW” (Kalenderwoche).

At work

  • Generalising very broadly, Germans come to work to, well, work, and not to socialise. While there will often be some idle chatter, particularly during breaks, Germans tend to focus on getting their work done during the day so that they can leave work on time and go home. Lunch breaks tend to be short and efficient. Goofing off and distracting your colleagues tends to be frowned upon.
  • If you’re ill (and particularly if your illness is contagious), you are expected to stay at home, rest, recover, and then return to work at peak performance. Coming to work ill just to show how “dedicated” you are is severely frowned upon (your boss will likely give you a talking to, and put you into a taxi home afterwards), and may even result in disciplinary action if you do so repeatedly. You are not doing anyone a favour by coming to work while ill, and you may even infect your colleagues. Most companies allow you to take three consecutive sick days without a doctor’s note.
  • Additionally, it’s usually considered wise (and is recommended by doctors) to stay at home until you’ve fully recovered, which often means a day or so after the symptoms have subsided. Don’t come back to work the moment you feel like you can just get out of bed again. Rather, give your body time to recover, and then go back to work; otherwise, you will likely become ill again at short notice.
  • When you’re ill at home, turn off your work phone and laptop (once you’ve notified your employer that you’re ill), and spend the day doing things which speed your recovery, which almost always means rest. This doesn’t necessarily mean staying in bed for the entire day - for example, a stroll through a park can be beneficial if you have a cold (but don’t tire yourself out), and a trip to the grocery store to get some necessities is ok (although check if perhaps your spouse or a friend can do that for you). Avoid doing anything which could jeopardise or slow your recovery, such as going out partying, or staying up all night watching movies. In some countries, sick days are just additional days off, but in Germany, sick days are supposed to be used exclusively for recovery from illness.

German identity and being accepted as a foreigner

Legally speaking, a “German” is someone with German citizenship (and therefore a German passport). Since German citizenship is passed down through descent, it’s possible to be legally a German without realising it. There is no distinction between “naturalised” and “natural-born” Germans.

German identity (whom Germans consider to be “German”, besides the legal definition above) is strongly cultural rather than ethnic. This means that to be “culturally German”, you essentially have to grow up in Germany, or, if you moved here as an adult, have lived here for several decades at least. To all but a handful of far-right people in Germany, your appearance or ethnicity is not relevant - Philipp Rösler (adopted as a baby by German parents from Vietnam), Cem Özdemir (born in Germany to Turkish immigant parents), and Jérôme Boateng (born in Germany to Ghanaian-German parents) are all 100% German.

Conversely, merely having “German blood”, “German ancestry”, or even a German-sounding last name does not make one a German in the eye of present-day Germans; that way of thinking feels a little too close to the racial theories of the Nazis. Mädchen Amick might have blonde hair and an umlaut in her name, but is 100% American (from the point of view of modern-day Germans). Therefore, if Germans emigrate to the US and have children there, those children would not be considered culturally German, as their upbringing would be overwhelmingly influenced by their American environment. Americans claiming “German heritage” due to their ancestors from two centuries ago emigrating from what is today Germany strikes modern-day Germans as ridiculous - as demonstrated perfectly by our former chancellor Angela Merkel. Americans doing DNA tests to determine their “heritage” is pseudoscientific nonsense.

It takes a very long time for immigrants to become culturally German, and most never manage it (nor would they perhaps want to, as that would involve giving up some of their own cultural background). Some people may think that this means immigrants can’t integrated into German society, but nothing could be further from the truth: you absolutely do not have to be German in order to be a full-fledged member of German society. German society is made up of both Germans and non-Germans - and as long as the latter make at least a small effort to integrate, then they are most welcome. Not being German is emphatically not a bad thing - on the contrary, immigrants bring a different point of view and thus enrich our lives.

Having said that, German society does (speaking very broadly) ask that immigrants to assimilate more before becoming accepted than, say, American society. For example, speaking good German (or at least showing that you’re making a real effort to learn) is fairly important, as is accepting some of the core values of German society, starting with the Grundgesetz (eg the equality of the sexes, every human having personal dignity, Germany as a social and democratic country, freedom of religion and expression, etc). Anything beyond that isn’t necessary - you certainly don’t have to start liking Weißwurst and Schweinshaxe, driving a BMW, or wearing Tracht - but German society does tend to be a little less tolerant of immigrants who insist on doing things completely their own way, irrespective of what society around them does.

Threads which have discussed this topic include:

Other sources

  • The Meet the Germans video series from Deutsche Welle (the German state-owned public broadcaster targeting people outside of Germany) is an outstanding introduction to many facets of German culture and daily life.
  • Rewboss is an Englishman who has lived in Germany for years, and he makes very informative videos about many different aspects of daily life in Germany.
  • The monster thread What are some of the unwritten rules of Germany.
  • This long thread from an immigrant going through culture shock, which explores some of the cultural differences which some immigrants may struggle with.